The 'Entitled' Act: When Good Neighbors Turn Foul
Have you ever found a passive-aggressive note on your car windshield, perhaps telling you to learn how to park, or a note slipped under your door that skips the passive part and goes straight to aggressive? It's a scenario that can make anyone feel violated and misunderstood.
A Melbourne resident recently experienced this first-hand after moving to a new suburb and receiving a foul-mouthed note from a neighbor. The note read, 'Park your sh*t box car in front of your house.'
The resident, who owns a white Land Cruiser equipped with off-road and camping gear, said he recently relocated to Bentleigh, a sought-after family-friendly suburb 13 km southeast of the city's CBD. While the area is known for its strong community appeal, his experience was quite different.
"My new neighbors seem friendly..." he wrote, somewhat taken aback.
Comments flooded in quickly, with people immediately sharing ideas for retaliation. Some suggested keeping the note and putting it on their windshield the next time they park in that spot. Others advocated for more direct actions, like parking the car wherever they like, legally, or telling the neighbor to get f**ked, to his face.
But what drives someone to write such angry notes instead of taking a more measured approach? Psychologist Carly Dober explains that it’s often less about you and more about them.
"People might be fed up or having a terrible day," she told news.com.au. They may also have experienced similar situations before, which could trigger more emotional responses, or they might just be trying to make the other person feel bad. She pointed out that people who write these notes are often highly stressed and struggle with assertive, direct communication, opting for indirect methods to remain anonymous.
Sadly, this can seriously affect the recipient, making them feel guilty, ashamed, anxious, and stressed. "It might also make them feel like their neighborhood isn’t as friendly or community-minded as they would like," Ms Dober, founder of Enriching Lives Psychology, added.
So, how should you complain about something? Etiquette expert Jo Hayes, who dealt with a similar situation in Sydney, advises that when it comes to common neighborly disputes, there are a few general rules of thumb to follow. "My starting point advice is to communicate the issue either by a polite written letter or face-to-face," she said. "Always keep in mind the conflict resolution MO: be kind, calm and clear."
If the situation appears likely to turn volatile, she warns against face-to-face confrontation and suggests approaching a third party to intervene.
